Sunday, June 10, 2018

Memoir of a calorie-counting, super sexy, super-slaying hot mama


Prologue: I started writing my weight loss memoir a long time ago but wanted to hit my target 59kg before I release my memoir to the public but I’m still 67kg and far from my target, so I figure if I can’t share my success then I can share my struggles.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been weight conscious.  I mean, I started using brassiere at 9 years old, menstruating at 10 years and of course I was way bigger than my class mates. I couldn’t play ten-te during break time. I couldn’t jump or skip ropes because I was afraid something else will jump…my breast and everyone will notice. I covered up mostly, wearing a cardigan in the hope that it could hide what is now famously referred to as ASSET. Interestingly in retrospect, I don’t think I was gynormous compared to my mates but because they were mostly flat-chested children, I kinda look like a giant in comparison. So my weight loss journey started from way back. I sort of figured that if I could get my weight down, my breast could go down with it. But on the contrary it went bigger and so did the hips. O boy, did I hate them.At the university, I ate little, took several slimming teas which was expensive at the time and did other things I heard could help me lose weight including drinking urine to intermittent fasting. In my 300L I took a picture with a group of friends and when I saw the 5 by 6 inches hard copy picture, it suddenly dawn on me that I wasn’t fat and I was flummoxed. I can remember thinking to myself that why have I been stressing myself if I wasn’t even fat.Anyway I forgot all about weight watching afterwards because there was no need to.

Post University: 

I was preoccupied with getting a good job and a good husband. As the two were not forthcoming, fasting was my new normal hence I couldn’t add weight.


After marriage: 

Now I have entered into my rest. Once upon a time, when milo tea looks like colored water but now I can afford to make my milo tea look like molten lava. The Lord is good. Then I progressively went from 60kg to 75kg and that’s when I knew there is fire on the mountain.


After one

I was very weight conscious during my first pregnancy and thankfully I had a lepa female doctor who has had 4 children and was coaching me on how not-to-eat for two but eat healthy. The doctor also gave tips of how to lose all pregnancy fat after delivery; namely no eating of swallow in the 1st 3 months post natal plus inclusion of fruits and vegetables in my diet and it worked. I was 65kg before preggie and 75kg as at 3rd trimester and I went back to 60kg in about three months post –natal. Phew! That was easy.


Me before marriage


Me 3 months after my first child as you can see, I didn't quite change. I lost the weight as soon as I put to bed.

After 2: 

The effort to revert back to 60/65kg after my second child became a tug of war. Even 2years after my 2nd child I was still oscillating between 75kg and 70kg. So what gives? What happened to my magic formula that I used after my first child? Well, I now have a 19 months old girl that eats golden morn, rice and other solids and sometimes in feeding her, a spoon or two goes inside my mouth as well (mo n jeun omo kinda thingy). At other times, when she eats by herself and has left over, I just devour the almost half full bowl of carbohydrate cereal. And at other times, I just enjoy the taste of the cereal and help myself to a bowl or two. I cannot come and kill myself kinda thingy ojarey.The calories add up. Then unlike when you had just one baby that you can just place in a baby cot while you do your aerobics, you now have an infant and a toddler who disturbs your exercise routines. Most of the time, it is a struggle and a struggle I keep losing.

Frustrations:

Then you see celebs go back to shape in less than 3 months and you’re still battling with weight loss, two years after. You buy slim tea, meal replacement and nothing seems to work, your weight increases each time you mount on the scale. You weigh more than you were at your 3rd trimester. Efforts are not yielding, I look in the mirror and I don’t like the big bloated woman I see. I worry because I have done this before and frustrated I aint winning. I also live in an area where phcn might do their worst and we are out of electricity for 3 months, 5 days, 3 days and therefore preserving what is inside the fridge becomes paramount. Packaged salads rots and has to be thrown away, you want to salvage your stew and soup and therefore compelled to eat swallow that you don’t intend to eat just so the soups don’t go bad.

Fitfam meals can also be expensive. A litre of hollandia yogurt goes for N500 while a litre of greek yogurt costs N3500. A 1kg of chia seeds can be as high as N7000 (almost half price of a bag of rice) and the list goes on. Little wonder it is easier to get fat than to remain lepa shandy. And one is not all that buoyant or liquid to spend on plants and fruits.

Sometimes malaria also knocks me down and all planned diet are ditched to swallow carbs that will give me energy to recuperate well. After you are back on your feet with added weight, you just want to give up the fight. Women will understand this better. Sometimes our contraceptives also aid weight gain and in spite of our best efforts we are just stuck with this extra flesh you want gone.

Realization:

I follow many fitfam pages on instagram and stumble on ways to lose weight fast; keto diet, intermittent fasting, egg diet, oat diet, apple cider vinegar miracle, aerobics and all-what-nots. I tried them all, with positive results but not sustainable. At the end of the day I stuck with calorie-counting/intermittent fasting. Even at that, I still struggle because I bake cakes for my children for regular and school snacks, and boy my sponge cakes are out of this world. I could finish a 12-inches pan size in a sitting but I don’t. That’s how tempting my cake is. What I do is to quickly dice them up after baking and pack them up into the fridge or make cup cakes that I can resist.   I am still not within my target weight but weight loss journey is not a dash. It takes time. And it’s perfectly okay to have days when you just swallow the chocolate and eat your cucumber later. Last Easter I followed an advice to count my blessings not my calories and I saw the results in extra kg.An average woman needs to eat about 2000 calories per day to maintain, and 1500 calories to lose one pound of weight per week but I target eating 1000 calories per day. So let’s say, I had eba for brunch, I reckon that to be about 700 calories in total so I know I can’t eat anything high in calorie again for that day. It’s either I go for salad or settle for my home-made granola (nobody does granola better than I do by the way) which could be like 500 calories. So in total, I have consumed 1100 calories for that day and that’s all. I just drink water heavily so my stomach is full.

In the past I used to buy a dress that was one size smaller than my size and target slimming down enough to fit into the dress but it didn’t quite work because most size 10 dresses are not big enough for my bust-line so I changed my goal post. I love rice crispies, so I buy it and keep it away unopened till I reach my target weight and reward myself with a bowl. I read in one post that ‘you are not a dog, stopping rewarding yourself with food’ but asko!!! I still reward myself with rice crispies anyways.

Importance:

So someone might say but why all the stress to stay in shape?, for what?, for whom? And to what end? For two reasons; I love to look trim and fit. I feel more confident at 55-65kg weight. I am an entrepreneur, a lecturer and I need a buy-in to my person from my students and prospectus buyers or clients. People buy into you first before they buy into what you are selling. When I deck up for presentations to customers, or stand in front of my students who are millennial and fashion/beauty police by demography, I stand tall, with square shoulders looking sharp and in control. They want to listen to me. They want to listen because they are curious, if she looks this good then she must have something good to say, I never disappoint.The second reason is health. My BMI as at the last time I checked was 26 but the ideal range is 19-24.9 and therefore my ideal weight should be between 49.8kg- 65.3kg but as at the time of writing this I weight 67kg. 

Me now

My goal is to be 59kg, that way no matter how much I backslide I will still be within my ideal weight range. BMI is a measurement of a person’s weight with respect to his or her height. It is more of an indicator than a direct measurement of a person’s total body fat.
BMI, more often than not, correlates with total body fat. This means that as the BMI score increases, so does a person’s total body fat. The WHO defines an adult who has a BMI between 25 and 29.9 as overweight - an adult who has a BMI of 30 or higher is considered obese - a BMI below 18.5 is considered underweight, and between 18.5 to 24.9 a healthy weight. The BMI is used to assess a person’s health risks associated with obesity and overweight, as those with high BMI are at risk of certain diseases even though other factors can contribute to ill health.Moreover, I am a health-centric fellow, I need to practice what I teach. I produce health centric cartoons for the family and we have a wide range of episodes in the oven, I don’t want to be seen as someone who don’t practice what she preaches. I have faith in my life’s purpose and I want to be fit for the journey. I consider it self- pride to watch what I eat and in quantities that I eat them in the same way that I am careful which fueling station I patronize because I don’t want my car damaged by adulterated fuel. My body, my overall well-being is important to me because I want to midwife my dreams. It is a lot of hard work to stay in shape, exercise, eat modestly but I train my mind to go for it.

Epilogue: I wish above all things that thou prospers and be in HEALTH…


Friday, March 31, 2017

Runaway bride: The short film


This short film was written, directed and produced by my students at Pan Atlantic University. It is their novel attempt at filmaking. Please enjoy.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Review of 76 movie

Written by Emmanuel Okomanyi
Directed by Izu Ojukwu
Budget: N600million
Box office: Unknown but more likely the figure is farther away from budget than it is closer.

I was poised to watch the film with my eyes peeled to see the errors because a colleague has told me it has some flaws but I didn't quite notice much flaws. Is it perfect? No! But it is a film well made. Did I spot any flaw? Yes! At the end Ramson Noah's jeans look more 2017 than 1976 but no big deal. Could the climax be more dramatic? Yes but let's cut it some slacks.

It probably didn't make as much money in the box office to match its budget because it is not a comedy film. My observation reveals that most financially successful films in Nigeria are comedy films. That says something about us as Nigerians.



1st act/The beginning/set up must haves:

Begin a memorable image/hook

Present
1.       Find the catalyst/motivation e.g information about the situation, where are we? What’s going on here? Or something or an event to start the story. It could be a gun shot, an explosion or a letter arrives.

present
1.       Raise the central question

present
2.       Establish the conflict.

Present
3.       Establish the antagonist.

Present
4.       Ends with the 1st turning point. It is a twist and turn that changes the story’s direction as new event unfold and new decisions are made.

Present
The 2nd act/middle/development must haves:
1.       Begins with the 1st turning point.
Present
2.       Momentum (a cause and effect/action and reaction scenes)/Action points/dramatic event that causes a reaction.

Present
3.       Barriers stop the action for a moment, and then the character goes around it and continues.

Present
4.       Complication is an action point that doesn’t pay off immediately but we wait for it and anticipate the inevitable response. And it gets in the way of the character’s intention.

Present
5.       Reversals change the direction of the story 180 degrees/ moving it from positive to negative.
Present
6.       Puts the central character in jeopardy.

Present
The 3rd act/resolution/end must haves:


1.       Begins with the 2nd turning point and speeds up the action here, makes it intense, and gives a sense of urgency like a ticking clock.

Present
2.       The big finish/climax

Present
3.       The question is answered/not answered.
Present


THE VERDICT

Emmanuel now has a place in screenwriters 'HALL of Fame'

The film is no longer in the cinema but you can watch/rent it on Dstv. Don't patronize pirated copy CD.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Review of ROOM 315 short film


Written By Abosi Ogba
Directed by Niyi Akinmolayan
Produced by Emmanuel Uduma

The screen opens with a message: 1 in every 5 people will have mental health issues... this week. Beautiful opening, I must say. And this gets you thinking... I am about to watch how people develop mental health issues or watch someone with mental health issues being rehabilitated and the challenges, stigma, myths associated with the mental health patients.

It is a 27 minutes long short film and when the film end credits rolls, you are wondering, what does this have to do with mental health. Because Niyi is a genuis, you are struggling to understand how the anecdote of a counsellor's daily encounters with his patients is linked with mental health issues.

I still don't get it. Please watch it and educate me if you do find the connection.

Friday, March 10, 2017

My #BBOC film

I made a short film last year which was inspired by the controversy of the bring back our girls. I won't do a review because it is my film. YOU get to be judge. kindly leave comments below. Gracious.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Review of American Driver: WARNING: Don't watch it unless you are in a dungeon

Film title: American Driver
Written by Patrick Nnamani
Directed by Moses Inwang

I honestly don't know why the movie was produced. Film production is very hectic and it seem ridiculous to me that someone will just gather actors together, spend money and produce a ridiculous film. Although I have to admit there were some people laughing in the cinema hall but I guess they are people who are easily amused. 
Moses Inwang is the type that makes me fear going to cinema to spend hard earned money on a Nigerian film. Needless to say it is a ridiculous film. Nothing coherent. Just a bunch of senseless series of events. To add insult to injury I went to watch it on my birthday so you can imagine how disappointing it is for me.

A story structure has the beginning, middle and end.
1st act/The beginning/set up must haves:
American  Driver
Begin a memorable image/hook

Absent
1.       Find the catalyst/motivation e.g information about the situation, where are we? What’s going on here? Or something or an event to start the story. It could be a gun shot, an explosion or a letter arrives.

Present
1.       Raise the central question

Absent
2.       Establish the conflict.

Absent
3.       Establish the antagonist.

Absent
4.       Ends with the 1st turning point. It is a twist and turn that changes the story’s direction as new event unfold and new decisions are made.

Absent
The 2nd act/middle/development must haves:
1.       Begins with the 1st turning point.
Absent
2.       Momentum (a cause and effect/action and reaction scenes)/Action points/dramatic event that causes a reaction.

Absent
3.       Barriers stop the action for a moment, and then the character goes around it and continues.

Absent
4.       Complication is an action point that doesn’t pay off immediately but we wait for it and anticipate the inevitable response. And it gets in the way of the character’s intention.

Absent
5.       Reversals change the direction of the story 180 degrees/ moving it from positive to negative.
Absent
6.       Puts the central character in jeopardy.

Absent
The 3rd act/resolution/end must haves:


1.       Begins with the 2nd turning point and speeds up the action here, makes it intense, and gives a sense of urgency like a ticking clock.

Absent
2.       The big finish/climax

Absent
3.       The question is answered/not answered.
Absent


Verdict

Patrick Nnamani is sentenced to life imprisonment in write better villa

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Review of the multiple award winning short film Bout


Story by Chucks Okoye
Screenplay by Bode Alao/Jide Alli
Awards: Best Actor at Eko film festival
              5 awards at In-short film festival 2016 including Best Actor and best film.




Okay, what is not to love about this film? The first time I watched it, I felt it was boring and talky. It could be because I was critically assessing it to know why it won 5 awards at a film festival where my film was also nominated (and mine didn't win so there was a heavy dose of envy somewhere). But then I took off my envy cap and wore my creative hat and saw the brilliance of the film for what it is.

It is well made, well plotted and it deserves the award it got.

Here is how the score board stands.

A story structure has the beginning, middle and end.
1st act/The beginning/set up must haves:
Bout
Begin a memorable image/hook

Present
1.       Find the catalyst/motivation e.g information about the situation, where are we? What’s going on here? Or something or an event to start the story. It could be a gun shot, an explosion or a letter arrives.

present
1.       Raise the central question

Present
2.       Establish the conflict.

Present
3.       Establish the antagonist.

Present
4.       Ends with the 1st turning point. It is a twist and turn that changes the story’s direction as new event unfold and new decisions are made.

Present
The 2nd act/middle/development must haves:
1.       Begins with the 1st turning point.
Present
2.       Momentum (a cause and effect/action and reaction scenes)/Action points/dramatic event that causes a reaction.

Present
3.       Barriers stop the action for a moment, and then the character goes around it and continues.

Present
4.       Complication is an action point that doesn’t pay off immediately but we wait for it and anticipate the inevitable response. And it gets in the way of the character’s intention.

Present
5.       Reversals change the direction of the story 180 degrees/ moving it from positive to negative.
Absent
6.       Puts the central character in jeopardy.

Present
The 3rd act/resolution/end must haves:


1.       Begins with the 2nd turning point and speeds up the action here, makes it intense, and gives a sense of urgency like a ticking clock.

Present
2.       The big finish/climax

Present
3.       The question is answered/not answered.
Present



By now you've guess what the verdict is right?

The writers have a place in my Hall of fame. They are hereby crowned screenplay Kings






Monday, January 9, 2017

Wedding Party Review

Story by Mo Abudu, Tosin Otudeko, Kemi Adetiba & One other person I can't remember
Screenplay by Tosin Otudeko and Kemi Adetiba
Box office: N200,000,000 and counting (In 16 days)
Budget: N60,000,000


Strongest Feature: Effortlessly hilarious, great picture quality, fantastic acting, appropriate sound tracks and sound.

Screenplay review: Almost flawless, whatever flaw it has has been swamped by the humor and great acting. I even had to shed a little tear at some point... yeah it got me. Interestingly the story is pretty much about forgiveness than it is about a wedding party. If it were a core christian movie, I'm sure the title would have been coined, 'forgiveness'.

The opening hook was fantastic. We started and ended with the zealous wedding planner. The epiphany Dozie's mum had while at gun point was subtly created without verbalizing it... That's another definition of awesome.

So, this is how the scorecard stands...

A story structure has the beginning, middle and end.
1st act/The beginning/set up must haves:
Wedding Party
Begin with a memorable image/hook

Present
1.       Find the catalyst/motivation e.g information about the situation, where are we? What’s going on here? Or something or an event to start the story. It could be a gun shot, an explosion or a letter arrives.

Absent
1.       Raise the central question

Absent
2.       Establish the conflict.

Present
3.       Establish the antagonist.

Present
4.       Ends with the 1st turning point. It is a twist and turn that changes the story’s direction as new event unfold and new decisions are made.

Present
The 2nd act/middle/development must haves:
1.       Begins with the 1st turning point.
Present
2.       Momentum (a cause and effect/action and reaction scenes)/Action points/dramatic event that causes a reaction.

Present
3.       Barriers stop the action for a moment, and then the character goes around it and continues.

Present
4.       Complication is an action point that doesn’t pay off immediately but we wait for it and anticipate the inevitable response. And it gets in the way of the character’s intention.

Present
5.       Reversals change the direction of the story 180 degrees/ moving it from positive to negative.
Present
6.       Puts the central character in jeopardy.

Present
The 3rd act/resolution/end must haves:


1.       Begins with the 2nd turning point and speeds up the action here, makes it intense, and gives a sense of urgency like a ticking clock.

Present
2.       The big finish/climax/ The question is answered/not answered.

Present
3.       Resolution.
Present



The only missing plot are the inciting incidence and central question. I wonder why that plot was omitted. It's something one scene could fix but a lame man wouldn't know any plot was missing. It was too much fun.

I love wedding party for many reasons; top of which is that the film vindicated me. Most people I have been in conversations with, tend to believe global best practice for screenplay is for the West... the oyinbos, that it doesn't apply to us, Nigerians. I have always argued without proof that the Nigerian audience is not averse to the classical 3-act structure for screenplay.

And there you have it, wedding party is trumping at the box office, beating 30days in Atlanta, Jenifa and other erstwhile box office hits with skewed storyteller style.

My Verdict

Kemi and Tosin are discharged and acquitted for 'slaying' the screenplay and given a
copy each of Linder Seger's 'making a good script great'